Random Thoughts Of The Lady Next Door

One of my preoccupations lately has been on making deliberate efforts to demystify sex and conversations around sexuality, especially as a Nigerian female. Having a somewhat conservative background though, my outspokenness about this in recent months has drawn several jaw-drop reactions from friends and family.  But I see the double standards that the society play by, treating male sexual gratification as an absolute necessity, even inventing and sponsoring myths, such as the idea of blue balls and its injurious factor to men's health, whilst at the same time stifling every conversation that has to do with female sexuality.  How about we start from exposing the HUSH-HUSH CONSPIRACY, the one that declares free and open sexual discussions by and amongst ladies near-taboo? While an adolescent male who talks about sex may be  regarded as merely discovering his sexuality and adjusting to adulthood, his female counterpart who does same will not enjoy such understanding. She'll ...

The key to the main door leading to the house had been missing for three days.  Attendant with the frantic search that followed was paranoia (that an intruder must have somehow appropriated it for breaking in and making away with our possessions at a later time); heated arguments (because my gramps was convinced without any proof whatsoever that it was I who misplaced the key, and I was having none of it 🙄), and constant prayers by Granny concerning the issue. On the morning of the first day after the key disappeared, out of the many prayer requests that Granny offered, I specifically heard her ask that the location of the key be revealed, and that God should restore the relationship between Gramps and I.  I on the other hand was indifferent, had somehow given up on finding the key, and was already thinking of how to take out the entire door handle with the lock for replacement. Two days later in the midnight, I had a dream. In that dream, I saw the missing key at the living-...

I received a friend request from someone who used to be a very close and dear female friend. I smiled with derision, wondering what she wanted with me now. I was however careful not to delete the request like I did most others before and after hers.  Our friendship had been only a couple of months shy of clocking a decade. We had been counting proudly in the previous years.  "We" consisted this female friend, I, and my best friend. We loved to call ourselves the three musketeers.  Well, this particular musketeer began to keep her distance after some time, kept a lot of secrets from the rest of us and most times refused to pick our calls or return them.  I grew tired of reaching out to someone who clearly didn't want to be reached. In fairness though, she wasn't doing that to just us, but to others as well.  But then I thought, even if she does that to other people, can't she trust us her friends of many years enough to talk to us, whatever the problem might be? ...

Remember Jesus' Great Commission? That we "go and make disciples of all the nations, BAPTIZING them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit." Remember the 3000 that were saved on Pentecost? They were baptized on the SAME DAY they accepted Christ.  What of the Ethiopian eunuch on his way home from Jerusalem, and the Philippian jailer in charge of Paul and Silas' cell? Both were baptized on the same day they accepted Christ; on the same spot even, in the case of the latter.  I have been born again since 2008, have rededicated my life to Christ several times after that, yet, all the churches I've ever been to either ignore this commission of having their members baptized, or will not baptize them until they've been made to go through 'baptismal class'es where they are spoonfed nothing but doctrinal sentiments (IMO). So this is a very bothered believer asking-- why the "senrenren"? Why complicate a simple instruction? Whatever h...

I saw a Facebook post bashing folks who subtly try to deflect from the single chance fathers get in a year to be celebrated by conferring the privilege on women as well (mothers who get uncountable appreciation days in a year oh 🤷🏽‍). I actually agreed with the post. Still do.  I'm of the school of thought that it's really asinine to not only try to steal other people's shine on their day, but to also, as a woman, wish oneself happy Father's day, or to wish one's mother happy Father's day. This new fad is hurting my brain really. I can't understand it.  Your father is deadbeat? Simply leave him out of the celebration.  And if you're feeling super vindictive, how about writing a long lovely epistle to celebrate your mother on Mother's Day (which I bet is around the corner. Isn't it held every other week? 😁😁) to "pepper" him.  Well, shortly after I read the earlier mentioned Facebook post, I saw my friend, a dearly loved friend, wish ...

Mother loved him.  Everyone did.  He was adorable. He still is. 😊 So when I told her I had called it quits with him, she could barely mask her mild disappointment.  She asked me, "so what were you looking at for 4 years, that you didn't think to end it at the beginning, only to do so now?" And then, amused, I asked her, "it's called courtship, right? What exactly is courtship for?" She understood.  You see, she had momentarily forgotten, like most of us, that not all courtships must lead to marriage. And that, a dissolved courtship is NOT a failed courtship. Rather, it is a successful one.  Isn't it folly to see intolerable traits in our partners and go ahead into matrimony with them because we think that love will conquer ALL? We need to stop putting pressure on our friends and families to get married to their current partners by all means and at any cost. The pressure is insanely much, especially on women, to spin lousy relationships into happily-ever...

I wasn't sure how to respond when my granny and aunt took advantage of a light discussion bordering on sex to ask whether or not I was still a virgin.  You see, no matter how woke, liberal and unpretentious about your sexuality you think you are, there's something about the way they ask -- "I TRUST MY DAMOLA NOW, you're still a virgin, aren't you? -- that makes you want to shrink into your shoes.  You answer yes - they hang on to your facial expression after that, watching for the slightest twitch in your face. But how does one keep a straight face in this situation? You answer yes too slow (because of the time it takes you to recover from the initial shock of the question) - "She's probably lying. Or why the hesitation?" You try sarcasm, go woke on them and ask why your virginity should be a subject of discussion in the midst of other trending world issues and innovations in arts and sciences - "Na guilty conscience dey worry am. Or why take a s...