IS THERE ANYTHING LIKE FAILED COURTSHIP?

Mother loved him. 

Everyone did. 

He was adorable. He still is. 😊

So when I told her I had called it quits with him, she could barely mask her mild disappointment. 

She asked me, "so what were you looking at for 4 years, that you didn't think to end it at the beginning, only to do so now?"

And then, amused, I asked her, "it's called courtship, right? What exactly is courtship for?"

She understood. 

You see, she had momentarily forgotten, like most of us, that not all courtships must lead to marriage. And that, a dissolved courtship is NOT a failed courtship. Rather, it is a successful one. 

Isn't it folly to see intolerable traits in our partners and go ahead into matrimony with them because we think that love will conquer ALL?

We need to stop putting pressure on our friends and families to get married to their current partners by all means and at any cost.

The pressure is insanely much, especially on women, to spin lousy relationships into happily-ever-after marriages. And that's what pushes women like Tonto Dikeh to try to keep up appearances despite their broken relationships. 

That's what made Tonto hurriedly get into another relationship with Churchill whom she deceptively paraded as her "Mr X" (her undisclosed lover. Read as ex-lover). No, I'm not letting her off the hook for her indiscretion; but at least, I understand the defective social construct that informed her actions. 

People stay in hopeless relationships, for fear of being tagged failures, one who can't "successfully" maintain a courtship and grow it into a marriage.

It's this same fear of being tagged failures that make most women, and some men, remain in hopeless, abusive marriages.

Sadly, these things will continue to be, as long as we keep burdening our loved ones with expectations of them remaining in a relationship/courship they should be moving on from, just to satisfy whatever fantasies we have built up in our heads concerning them. 

Perhaps, this has something to do with our penchant for 'owanbe'? 

Remember, a courtship where  the partners break up is not a failed one. Rather, a loveless, abusive, repressive marriage is a huge testament to a failed courtship. Such marriages should never have been, if either, or both partners had been brave or honest enough to admit their incompatibility. 

Here's wishing you my friend, the grace and fortitude to introspect on all your relationships, and do the needful. 

Have an amazing week ahead. 🌹🌹

05.05.19