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I finally got the life I wanted. Then I changed my mind.

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“Social media tells me that white walls are the new cool.” The year is 2021. I lie in bed, admiring my bedroom and what I’ve made of it. It’s not so much going on. Just my 4-by-6 bed, bedside drawer, wardrobe, fancy-looking shoe rack, and an L-shaped work station, all made out of maple-colored MDF. And then there are my blue satin curtains, which match my bedding. On the wall by my bed are fake petals — some red, some white — glued on in a moment of unbridled DIY genius. The three-bedroom bungalow is new, and I live in it with my grandparents in Ado-Ekiti, a slow, scenic antithesis of aspirational megacities. We moved in in 2019. At the time, there was hardly any furniture in the house, and my room was bare. Just the walls and my mattress thrown on the floor in a corner. It has taken me two years to finally set up a room nice enough to show off on the internet when I make my low-budget reels on my low-budget Samsung phone. I’m happy. Proud, even. Except for one thing. Social media tell...
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WHAT DOES A PERFECT CHRISTIAN LIFE LOOK LIKE?

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One of the strongest reasons many children of God turn away from Him is that they are embarrassed about how often they go back to rededicate their lives after falling into the same sin again and again. They then conclude that this "born-again Christian" life is not for them after all. Truly, it is not easy to be all prim and proper at all times — never to be caught exchanging angry words with annoying folks online, never to be seen having marital issues, never to be caught in a white lie. But, thankfully, none of these are what fundamentally make you a Christian. What makes you one is, first of all, the desire to please God ("desire" being the operative word here). Christians are a moving mass of paradox — living in a flesh that yearns for carnal satisfaction but carrying a heart that yearns for God. So how you know you are a child of God who is loved regardless is that you feel bad when you do wrong. That feeling is not there for condemnation. It is there to steer ...
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Love and the Unconventional Woman

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I often meet nice, good-looking guys that seem to tick all my boxes, yet I'm unable to get over the fact that they don't have a personal relationship with Jesus. And because I'm feminist and unconventional in my thoughts and lifestyle, how sacrosanct I hold the God-factor in choosing my love interests surprises or even confuses most people. Interestingly enough, I've also met nice Christian blokes whom I'd never think of settling into marriage with even if they were the last eligible bachelors on earth. It's cute how they carry religion on their heads but I'm just not about that life. In fact, if you are a pastor or look like one, I'll run away.  The two situations I've just described is why my friends don't understand why I'm still single even when they believe I'd make a cute couple with some of my close male buddies. ( Yeeeaaahhh, no. Thanks 🙄) . On a somewhat unrelated note, I've also come to the conclusion that, for ...
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THE SCIENCE OF ANSWERED PRAYERS

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I remember how in uni, someone I'd considered a friend and run an errand for turned around to disrespect and even verbally insult me on top of that. Needless to say, she was never a friend as I'd been the one always sticking around to make our caricature of a friendship work when I simply should have settled for acquaintanceship. I remember crying so hard in my room that day because it hurt me badly that I couldn't retaliate. Well, I could, but the Holy Spirit had the upper hand and wouldn't let me give her a good dose of my pettiness and sharp tongue. Aswear, the thing really pained me and I literally told God in prayer "I'm only holding back because of you. Please help me get over this anger and hurt." Surprisingly, I handled that situation so well that I didn't even tell any of our mutual friends about it and I simply moved on from her, thus ending the 5-year friendship. (She came back a year later to apologise and I forgave, but that...
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IT'S FORESIGHT, NOT VICTIM BLAMING: Dealing with Sexual Abuse

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Image credit: Shutterstock   The three times in my life that I was sexually assaulted, it was by family members. Yes, you read that right. Male members of my own family, not strangers. These incidents no doubt have influenced my unwavering position that all men are potential rapists. By this, I mean that although not all men will commit rape in their lifetime, women would be better off not putting the crime beyond any male figure in their lives. As expected, this has gotten some disgruntled readers defensive and, more than once, I have been called broken and bitter — bitter feminist to put it more precisely. Although I know that many of those who disparage me would understand my position better and be a lot less vicious in their disagreement with me should I narrate the experiences that informed this world view of mine, I generally don’t give enough fvcks to care about their opinions of me anyway, and I don’t owe anyone any explanations for my opinions, so I keep it mo...
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THE AUDACITY OF MISOGYNY

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Mufutau leers at a woman and you can tell his intentions even as he greets her. But when she ignores him, he gets angry at her 'rudeness.' "I dey greet you and you no answer me." But that's the problem, Mufu. Why must a woman answer your greeting? How many men, dressed up and going about their businesses, do you stop randomly to greet?  Sadly, women are expected to be nice even to the worst scum of the earth, including the Mufus of our society, just so they can have their peace.  Did you know that a large percentage of men who sexually assault women want nothing else but to assert their dominance over them? Meaning it has nothing to do with the victim's physical appearance. In fact, it has nothing to do with the man's sexual urge! These men wield their penises as rods for keeping bold women in line. Muscles are for pinning women down as they fondle the pride and self-confidence out of their bodies. And so even when a man rudely intrudes the woman's per...
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ON SEXISM AND SELF-PRESERVATION

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PC: amazon.com We were a cluster of stranded pedestrians anxious to get home. Darkness had now fully ceiled the sky above us and, as usual by that time of the evening, finding a commercial bike was as easy as finding an incorruptible Nigerian politician. When I eventually got one (no, not an incorruptible politician) and called out my destination, a middle-aged man also jumped forward. He appeared to be heading towards my area too, and was getting ready to join me on the bike.  What made him think it was okay to assume I'd let him, a male stranger, ride with me? His presumptuousness irritated me. But again, I remembered the unspoken code of humanity: to forget race, gender, and all other dividing identities and render assistance when that was all that really mattered. We were all stranded and since I was lucky to find a bike that night, it was only right that I'd also be kind enough to assist a neigbour to get home safely. But no. I remembered all the times I had been sexually ...
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