THE AUDACITY OF MISOGYNY

Mufutau leers at a woman and you can tell his intentions even as he greets her. But when she ignores him, he gets angry at her 'rudeness.'

"I dey greet you and you no answer me."

But that's the problem, Mufu. Why must a woman answer your greeting? How many men, dressed up and going about their businesses, do you stop randomly to greet? 

Sadly, women are expected to be nice even to the worst scum of the earth, including the Mufus of our society, just so they can have their peace. 

Did you know that a large percentage of men who sexually assault women want nothing else but to assert their dominance over them? Meaning it has nothing to do with the victim's physical appearance. In fact, it has nothing to do with the man's sexual urge! These men wield their penises as rods for keeping bold women in line. Muscles are for pinning women down as they fondle the pride and self-confidence out of their bodies.

And so even when a man rudely intrudes the woman's personal space, rather than tell him off, she flashes a perfunctory smile and pretends not to be offended at his leering, careful not to awaken the beast within him.

Not me, though. I remember telling an armed officer in my estate off on the evening of New 

Year's Day. I was on the phone with my friend Nkemdilim and the man decided that since he wanted to have small talk with me, then I had to get off the phone to give him my attention. 

"Heyssss. I'm calling you nau. I want to talk to you," even when I'd nodded politely to acknowledge his greeting a few moments earlier. It's the audacity of these walking penises for me! By the way, I share a fence with these officers and have had countless experiences of them trying to proposition me. 

But even as I walked away from that officer that day, I kept praying to make it to the end of the street alive. He could simply have lodged a bullet into my skull to 'teach me a lesson.' Yet, society would rather vilify the woman insisting on being left alone than address the entitlement mentality ingrained in men's subconscious; this entitlement to women's time, audience, bodies, and even affableness. 

My Facebook friend Testimony Ibekwe recently shared her experience with a man who stormed off with the hair net that had fallen from her head as punishment for not responding when he catcalled her. What reasonable woman wouldn't react this way in a street as dark and lonely as the one Testimony had been passing through anyway? Yet, the one person who had witnessed the entire scene, another young man, justified the caller's action of walking away with her net because, according to him, she was also wrong to have ignored him.

This is the mentality and sense of judgement of the average person we expect to build a fair and just society, a society that is safer for women and girls. This is the default sentiment against female victims of harassment 一 there's always an excuse to exonerate the perpetrator. 

So now, this is my message to young women out there: kindness is good, and so is propriety. But do not allow society further subjugate you by manipulating you into extending any courtesy to obnoxious men.

When a man invades your personal space, you do not have to indulge him with a smile in order not to appear rude.

You do not have to accept his offer of a drink if something about him unsettles you. It doesn't matter how much drama he makes about being hurt by your suspicion.

You do not have to answer a greeting. 

You do not have to do whatever you do not want to do. 

And you have a right to that.

And that's on periodt!

Now, go out there and be amazing. The world awaits you. 💗