WOMAN, SEX IS NOT A DIRTY WORD! Exposing the Hush-hush Conspiracy

One of my preoccupations lately has been on making deliberate efforts to demystify sex and conversations around sexuality, especially as a Nigerian female. Having a somewhat conservative background though, my outspokenness about this in recent months has drawn several jaw-drop reactions from friends and family. 

But I see the double standards that the society play by, treating male sexual gratification as an absolute necessity, even inventing and sponsoring myths, such as the idea of blue balls and its injurious factor to men's health, whilst at the same time stifling every conversation that has to do with female sexuality. 

How about we start from exposing the HUSH-HUSH CONSPIRACY, the one that declares free and open sexual discussions by and amongst ladies near-taboo? While an adolescent male who talks about sex may be  regarded as merely discovering his sexuality and adjusting to adulthood, his female counterpart who does same will not enjoy such understanding. She'll be called a fledgling whore. 

How about how the society judges a man's sexual prowess by how long he's able to thrust before ejaculating and going flaccid (never about his ability to satisfy his partner), but how the woman's bedroom achievement is measured by how much she is able to pleasure her partner. Orga-what? She's on her own. 

I see how the society conditions the woman to have zero expectations and zero identity or pride in her sexuality (almost as if it is a demon to be suppressed, for the "decent" woman). 

First, they try to pretend like we don't even have libido, and put on a show of disdained shock when a woman dares to demand or demonstrate as much sexual pleasure as an average Jack. "Nympho" may be the kindest name she'll be called.

It disconcerted me greatly yesterday evening that despite my supposed enlightenment and objectivity concerning sex-related issues, I still had to restrict many people older than me on my WhatsApp status list before I could comfortably talk about how I was having random thoughts about clitoral stimulation. I made a joke about wondering whether it was time to cast and bind (the devil supposedly behind the thoughts). 

PC: Scarlet Ladies

In retrospect, I realize I was probably ashamed to admit that I have a brain that conceives the idea of sex. And I went the extra mile to efface every sign of me being a sexual being. I also realise that my action was DEFINITELY a reaction to unspoken, yet very apparent expectations on me, a young lady in my mid-twenties, to never think about sex (the hypocrisy though🤦🏽).This is not the same as lusting after sex. 🙄

Oh wait--Now that I'm writing this, I realize the real issue here. I'm probably allowed to think about sex, I'm just never to voice it out. And that brings me back to my point about the hush-hush conspiracy. 

It's just like how the society normalizes fornication but treats the one with an evidence of it, usually the woman (premarital pregnancy), with disdain. As if to say, you can have sex oh, just don't let us know of it. Again, hush-hush. 

Well, some of us women are embracing every aspect of us that makes us human beings: feminity, ambition, spirituality, fear, love. And we are not leaving sexuality behind. Some of us are are willing to risk and own the disdain that comes with discussing in the open, things that the society indulge in, and lust after, and pervert in private. 

Now tell me, Nigerians, how many more times do I need to mention "sex" to get you uncomfortable and riled up so that I can point out your hypocrisy. You are the third largest consumers of pornography in the whole world! 

And tell me, woman, do you allow this set of jokers shush you up when you freely express yourself as regards your sexuality? Really, do you?