Random Thoughts Of The Lady Next Door

“The way my mother explained it, the traditional man wants a woman to be subservient, but he never falls in love with a subservient woman. He’s attracted to independent women. He’s like an exotic bird collector. He only wants a woman who is free, because his dream is to put her in a cage.”  Born a Crime by Trevor Noah; Pg 195. Some of us were born into freedom, so to speak: born to liberal parents, born into families populated by brilliant, dauntless women and raised under their strong influence, and so we are, by default, audacious; a constant nuisance to patriarchy and its custodians, and unapologetically so. But there are also some of us who did not get these privileges. Some of us were raised by timid women who stifled the desire in us to break free from stereotypes, raised by abusive male figures who killed the confidence in us and left us alone with no support to face the highly prejudiced society.  Thankfully, we have strong women around us who have taught u...

Today on WORLD BOOK DAY, I acknowledge the Holy Spirit, author of the most controversial yet life-changing book ever known to man—the Bible. PC: biblestudytools.com I also celebrate the young icon, activist, feminist and brain behind the #1000BlackGirlBooks campaign, Marley Dias. In 2015, the then 10-year-old of Jamaican-American descent challenged the crying lack of diversity in children's storybooks and launched a campaign to collect 1000 books featuring black girls as the protagonist.   By the end of the campaign, Marley had successfully reached nearly ten times her initial target for the book collection. Today, she distributes these books to young girls of colour across the world so that they can see themselves represented in the books they read. PC: smithsonianmag.com 15-year-old Marley Dias has made something more out of her love for books. She has turned her hobby and passion into a tool for repressing racism and gender bias as enable...

I'll tell you one particular question that stood out for me after I dissolved my relationship several months ago. "Why? You found someone else?" Why it stood out? It was the most obtuse question I had ever been asked since I started developing breasts, and its ludicrousness caught me off-guard each time, such that I never had any bright answer for everyone who asked me. I always wondered at the dullness of the mind that would so quickly jump to conclusions. I also began to question my public reputation. Do I really look like someone who would remain in a "situationship" because I was waiting to find another man to rescue me and give me what I truly desired? Really?  No. That's not what I really want to ask.  Are people aware that in this century, there are heterosexual women who love LOVE, but are not obsessed or frantic about being in any romantic relationship?  Are people aware that "You will not find a man to marry you" is only as ominous a thre...

It's hard to think back to the day I was forced to wade through a swamp just because I was fleeing from some good-for-nothing men who were leering at me without getting triggered. And isn't it cute how the society overlooks the offence of the abusers and places the responsibility of decorum on the people addressing the issues?  I mean, people can openly hold retarded opinions about women, religious leaders can unabashedly wave the misogynist flag, friends, family, everyone can go on overtly endorsing the prejudice against women, but it is you at receiving end of the unfairness who has to sweat over your posts, straining out harsh words just so you don't come off as being surly.  Every time I've tried to write about this incidence since it happened 4 months ago, I've always felt an overwhelming surge of bitterness and sadness at my own vulnerability. Honestly, it's not every day you have the strength to overcome the enervating realization of the fact that your ba...

If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off! Right . Except that now, Nigerian religious zealots have taken it a step further. They are cutting off other people’s arms for their own sins, and plucking out their neighbours’ eyes to keep themselves from lusting. The Christians’ holy book records Jesus’ purely platonic but close alliance with some female figures like Mary Madgalene, and Mary and Martha, sisters of Lazarus. It also records His firm stance in support of the fundamental human right of the adulterous woman, even when it was against the Jewish culture that doomed her to public stoning; but despite this, most of its adherents, utterly depraved in their bigotry, have only chosen to see women as expendables in the society. Slowly and finally, we have graduated from the point of regarding victims of sexual violence as culpable in the crime because of their physical appearance. But what else is to be expected? A society can only endorse the message that a man is entitled  ...

One of my preoccupations lately has been on making deliberate efforts to demystify sex and conversations around sexuality, especially as a Nigerian female. Having a somewhat conservative background though, my outspokenness about this in recent months has drawn several jaw-drop reactions from friends and family.  But I see the double standards that the society play by, treating male sexual gratification as an absolute necessity, even inventing and sponsoring myths, such as the idea of blue balls and its injurious factor to men's health, whilst at the same time stifling every conversation that has to do with female sexuality.  How about we start from exposing the HUSH-HUSH CONSPIRACY, the one that declares free and open sexual discussions by and amongst ladies near-taboo? While an adolescent male who talks about sex may be  regarded as merely discovering his sexuality and adjusting to adulthood, his female counterpart who does same will not enjoy such understanding. She'll ...

The key to the main door leading to the house had been missing for three days.  Attendant with the frantic search that followed was paranoia (that an intruder must have somehow appropriated it for breaking in and making away with our possessions at a later time); heated arguments (because my gramps was convinced without any proof whatsoever that it was I who misplaced the key, and I was having none of it 🙄), and constant prayers by Granny concerning the issue. On the morning of the first day after the key disappeared, out of the many prayer requests that Granny offered, I specifically heard her ask that the location of the key be revealed, and that God should restore the relationship between Gramps and I.  I on the other hand was indifferent, had somehow given up on finding the key, and was already thinking of how to take out the entire door handle with the lock for replacement. Two days later in the midnight, I had a dream. In that dream, I saw the missing key at the living-...