Random Thoughts Of The Lady Next Door

PC: zikoko.com At least three to four times every week, I get paid for helping people write their letters, resumes, LinkedIn profile summaries, essays, web content and other things that they could have written by themselves. I never regard the outsourcing of these tasks to me as lazy or unbecoming of my clients because I understand that they’d rather focus on more important aspects of their lives than bother themselves googling how to format a resume, or when/when not to put a comma before ‘too,’ for instance.  So why is it okay for people to outsource their writing but not okay for me to outsource my laundry? Why can’t I spend my time catching up on lost sleep, doing my projects or writing my articles while a delivery person delivers my pre-ordered meal(s)? Who made eating out a taboo for women? Is comfort and luxury an ignoble aspiration for the Nigerian woman? Is being a beast of burden the proof of virtue? Last month, the owner of the company where I train, having s...

"Women supporting women" can not be your mantra if your real mission is to contribute to the disruption of institutionalized misogyny. No. Feminism is not another kumbayah feminine cult. To be clear, as a feminist, the first thing you want to avoid is allowing yourself to be guilt-tripped for sometimes having to bear down on women like yourself. Recognize the catchphrase "women are their own worst enemies" for what it is when people throw it at you: sentimental drivel. You must understand that the custodians of the systems that oppress women are both men and women . In the process of pulling down strongholds that shut women out of their God-given and constitutionally approved privileges, you will need to come down hard on some women too. PC: bobyandian.com Women who, through their insouciant dismissals of your gender equality campaigns, lend themselves to be used by misogyny; women who try to intimidate you for your chutzpah to live as a contrarian, for ...

One day, we will talk about parents, especially mothers, who destroy their daughters even before society lays its  vicious claws on them. Yes, for many of us, our mothers were the first to slut-shame us.  I just don't have any idea how soon the conversation will happen. We don't look ready it at all. We're still too busy cackling at every jest, and stifling our discomfiture at many of the jokes because we are trying not to irritate those that are quick to call us oversensitive.  But I live for the day when the conversation will happen; when the shame will be on the people who disparage young girls and women, on the people who normalize this form of abuse through bants and comedy, and on the people who shame those that take exception to these jokes. I've always indulged in the guilty pleasure of enjoying Taaooma's comedy skits (many people find the severity of her slaps, the thunderous sound albeit computer-generated, disturbing) but as much as I appreci...

This misogynistic society will almost drive you crazy as a young woman constantly challenging her own thought processes.  I'm seated at the edge of a clean, dry gutter two streets away from my house, still within the estate. I'm there because, by the time I returned from town, house fellowship was already being held in my home and I did not care to be a part of the gathering. So I quietly made a U-turn at the door and headed back for the street. Found a quiet spot with good shade at the gutter. This man drives past me in an old-model Camry, but not without looking me over first. I ignore him and focus on my phone. He drives past me again on his return with a woman at the front passenger seat, and they both gaze conspicuously at me as their car passes. Still, I refuse to acknowledge them. A few minutes later, they're driving towards me again,  this time, actually easing the car into a halt right in front of me, and then, rather condescendingly, the man asks me who I am and w...

Dear Feminist, There are days when speaking up and challenging pernicious narratives will confer on you some form of veneration. People will applaud you. You will feel like the messiah, the one who has been chosen to speak up for those who are either too timid to hold their own opinions, or simply lack the eloquence to share their thoughts convincingly. And boy, does this feel so good. Here's the ugly part, though: these times never last. Brace up for the next phase; that phase in which you will begin to sound like a broken record. You will shout out in defence of your gender, but you will be knocked down by a wall of silence—the intimidating silence of your own members.  You will question your sense of humour when everyone else laughs at jokes that disparage you and other members of your gender. You will tell yourself that you aren't any more special than the feminists who find these jokes hilarious. You will ask yourself who you think you are, to object to a joke that even yo...