...BUT COOKING IS NOT A VIRTUE

PC: zikoko.com

At least three to four times every week, I get paid for helping people write their letters, resumes, LinkedIn profile summaries, essays, web content and other things that they could have written by themselves. I never regard the outsourcing of these tasks to me as lazy or unbecoming of my clients because I understand that they’d rather focus on more important aspects of their lives than bother themselves googling how to format a resume, or when/when not to put a comma before ‘too,’ for instance. 

So why is it okay for people to outsource their writing but not okay for me to outsource my laundry? Why can’t I spend my time catching up on lost sleep, doing my projects or writing my articles while a delivery person delivers my pre-ordered meal(s)? Who made eating out a taboo for women?

Is comfort and luxury an ignoble aspiration for the Nigerian woman? Is being a beast of burden the proof of virtue?

Last month, the owner of the company where I train, having seen me come out of an eatery I frequent holding my takeaway (fried rice with a bottle of soft drink), yelled my name from afar. ’Damola, did you have an oath with these people?!‘ 

PC: allnigerianrecipes.com

Even as I got to the office and greeted him and the male staff he was addressing, he didn’t hesitate to give an unsolicited lecture about how I should be able to prepare my meals because eating out does not speak well of me as a woman. He proceeded to demand that I come with my home-made meal the next day and show it to him. I’m not making this up, believe me. Lol.

The thing is, I do NOT enjoy cooking, even though I do know how to cook. Moreover, every day, before the pandemic got us all grounded, I’d be up, working as early as past six, trying to turn in a writing job and do my coding assignments before resuming at my training in the morning. I get back in the evening and continue my work, and everyone around me knows that the last thing I think about is food when I’m preoccupied with work; it doesn’t help that I’m a very light eater (this explains my slim stature).

I do not explain this to give excuses as to why I do not have time to cook, because even if I did, I still wouldn't cook unless it is absolutely necessary. I simply don't care to cook to impress people about being well brought up, or to show that I am ‘wife material.’ 

We all aspire to different things in life. I look forward to a time when I can have basic chores handled by domestic helps while I focus on more important things like my family and career. But first, I will need to improve on my skills, professionalism, and confidence. And I am on that journey.

If I don’t spare any time to eat food that has been prepared for me while I’m immersed in my work, I wonder why anyone would expect me to spend forty minutes of my precious time in the kitchen cooking just to prove to them and the society that I am an ideal woman. 

Still, I don’t discount the fact that, for most people, this habit may not be sustainable. Please cook if eating out/ordering meals would hurt your finances. As much as you might hate doing some chores, try to do them yourself until you are able to afford hired help. 

Also, please cook if eating out would not hurt your finances but you enjoy preparing your own meals anyway. Cooking and cleaning are not anti-feministic undertakings; they are not signs of a lack of ambition. Neither is disinterest in domestic chores a compulsory makeup for a highflier. Some people simply cherish comfort, and here's nothing unbecoming about that if they can afford to pay for it. 

Don’t let other people intimidate you for your choices. 

And remember not to shame others for theirs.

Ps: I know Nigerians hate to hear this but...cooking is not a virtue. 🙄