COME CLOSER, FEMINISTS. Something Important You Should Know

Maybe not every time men versus women.

Maybe my relationship where my SO cooks for both of us is not necessarily better and sweeter than my friend's, where she 'slaves' in the kitchen to feed herself and a grown-ass man.

Maybe we've been relegated for so long, to the kitchen and the other room, that now that we're bouncing out in self-awareness and confidence, we're bouncing off the mark and over the bar. Missing the point more than we are making a point. 

Maybe there are really no hard and fast rules to relationships, and popular concessions on how women should be treated in their relationships only end on the social media. 

After starting crusades on here sensitizing parents on the need to train their male children to cook and clean up after themselves, and after touting our intolerance for men who can't lift a finger to serve themselves, we log out, unable to reply comments on our woke posts because we are busy for the next two hours preparing meals for men who wouldn't leave the couch. Men we love so much, regardless.

Maybe we can then conclude that 'To Each His Own'. After forming 'hard woman' online, we all go back to our real, imperfect but loving (or at least gratifying) relationships. 

Because nothing is really 'fair' in the true sense of it.

It's unfair that we women have been held down for so long by religion, culture and perceived roles in the home, ignoring our individual preferences and choices. Not fair. 

Now we are pushing back. Insisting on being treated right. Insisting that men must clean and cook and bathe babies (this would be nice and sweet), too.

But- but what if he just doesn't fancy cooking, and will only cook just in time to escape death from starvation? The society is learning to frown at such attitude. Yet, in the same breath, we are telling the woman that it is okay to not fancy cooking, that it doesn't make her less of a woman. We are telling the woman it's okay to not fancy doing laundry, or doing market runs, that there are other aspects of her life in which she performs incredibly, and that she is just enough. Which is absolutely right, but now imbalanced, considering how we respond when it is a person of the male gender involved. 

And with the rate of female aggression towards males- because agree or not, female advocacy and emancipation is shifting from just that, to retaliation and affront. It's frightening- and now I feel lucky to be a woman in this new 'woke' society. 

My SO and girlfriends can come visit me, understand that I'm not just lean owing to genetic factors, but because I don't eat well enough because I don't have a cook because I can't afford one yet because I totally hate cooking! And they won't make a fuss about it, because they know that it doesn't define me or make me lazy, and they'll actually go into the kitchen and prepare the meal, of which I'll partake, and the entire Facebook Nigeria will not hear about it. 

But flip the script, with me being a guy: My woke female friends will accuse me of misogyny, and my girlfriend will not break up with me quietly, but will first announce on social media how she can't date a man who always leaves the cooking and cleaning to her, and use our relationship as a soapbox to trend for a while... Not minding that I pay for  the data she uses, pay for her every hairdo, for everything, every-damn-thing... for a grown-ass woman. 

Well, this life is just a plate of indomie and bread. Yuck. 

PS: If the message you are able to deduce from this post is anything different from "Every relationship has its own dynamics, keep it away from the SM and you'll be fine," you are on your own.

PPS: No, this post is not encouraging men to be irresponsible adults.

05.10.18