IT'S A NEW YEAR AND I'M KISSING MODESTY GOODBYE!

Oh, I do my best, to be good, to be the perfect role model to the few who look up to me, to do and say only the right things. And admittedly, it feels godly and good being--or acting--that way for a few days, or weeks at most, until it all becomes so boring. 

I've had enough of my prissy modesty. I think I can be more. I'm done with the performance (whether you realize it or not) that comes with it. I'd rather just be humble. 

You see,  the moment I discovered for myself the slight difference in the meaning of the words "humility" and "modesty," my hyperinquisitive soul found rest.

I found out that whereas humility in its purest expression is me recognizing and acknowledging my areas of weakness and strength, not giving excuses for my inadequacies or throwing a pity party over my misfortunes, and definitely not underestimating my virtues and value, modesty in its truest manifestation demands that I identify with others by underplaying my qualities. 

American writer, Oliver Herford describes modesty in the most simple and relatable way: "The gentle art of enhancing your charm by pretending not to be aware of it". Personally, I'd describe modesty as an affected lifestyle of denying or downplaying one's qualities so as to 'identify' with others. Now, this seems moral enough, like some sort of self-abnegation. But the fishy thing about this stance is that it presupposes that one is better than the rest, which is why he has to stoop so low. You see? 

Modesty is your sweet word laced with patronization and a tinge of condescension. 

To be realistic, in this life, there are those who are truly faring better than us, and those whom we are better than, in some aspects. And I really don't have a problem accepting that there are people who are more privileged and fare better than me by many standards. I do not have a problem with privileged people being aware of their privileges and walking in its fullness. 

I only have a problem with the ones who pretend NOT to be aware, and feed off the benefits of humility (howbeit false). Asides the fact that I consider it manipulative, I do not even have the time and the willpower to keep up any act for long.

And that's what you do to be modest. You ACT modest.

Have you even considered that that may be an explanation behind the syntagmatic relationship between the nouns "modest" and "humble" and the verbs "do" and "be" respectively?

Think about it. You hardly hear it being said of people that they ACT humble. No. They simple ARE humble. Humility is a state of BEING. No acts, no pretences. Ergo, you hear statements like:

I AM humble

He/she IS humble

We/they ARE humble

("ARE" is an inflected form of the verb "BE." So is "IS" and "AM")

But everytime we are being lectured on how to behave in public,  we are told to comport ourselves modestly. In other words, ACT modestly. And that's what we truly do. We put on this show of ordinariness, this ugly performance that mocks the reality of those around (and especially beneath) us.

So starting this year, here's what I'll do:

I'm going to be humble enough to admit my beauty, financial security, brilliance and creativity without belittling others. Never again will I disregard compliments or act like I don't deserve it, when I know I have worked my butts off to deserve it. It'd be pretentiousness if I do otherwise, not modesty. 

My kind of humble will seem smug to most people at first, maybe a little too self-confident and perky to still be called humble, but they'll come around. I'm sure. Lol

05.01.19