ARE YOU TRULY KIND OR MERELY PRETENTIOUS? Find Out Here

Some of the most memorable experiences and lessons I've been subject to during my ongoing service year have been in the course of my closeness with a friend I made here. I'll call her Reb. She has been like a mirror in which my virtues have been magnified as well as my vices shamelessly exposed. 

One of the vital lessons that I inadvertently learnt and which I will be sharing here today borders on respecting other people's decisions and not always trying to be all goody-two-shoes. I'll give two scenarios involving my friend and I where I goofed on this. 

On the first occasion, Reb and I were almost at the market when she saw some oranges displayed for sale and decided to price them. The seller named a price too high and Reb tried beating it down by saying "four for fifty" (four oranges for fifty naira) or so. Unfortunately the seller mistook her statement for "God forbid" and started throwing insults at her.

Reb got pissed and started to walk away, but guess what? I wasn't going to leave without "making peace". So I dragged Reb back and tried explaining to the seller what Reb actually said, and that she never said God forbid. It turned out to be a wrong move because the seller was one woman who lacked regard for people and she actually doubled down on the insults against Reb and things got worse after that. 

Respecting her decision to walk away from the toxic seller would have been the best way to ensure peace rather than going back to face more confrontation. I realized that I had been selfish and chosen coming off as a nice person over Reb's self-respect. 

On the second occasion which was another day, while I sold some chinchin to a group of men, a couple of them began to make passes at Reb. She responded by pointedly ignoring their idle questions and chatter. Smart move. But what did your Lady Next Door do? I became her mouthpiece, answering stupid questions that should have been ignored, maybe because they were my customers at that time and you know what they say about customers always being right. Or maybe (and most likely) because oversabi and unsolicited mediation will not allow me to be great in life. 😖😖

Reb was really mad at me and I felt terrible knowing that I had done that to her before. There and then, I made a promise to myself that there would never be a third time, with her or anyone else. 

There is a reason why King David in Psalms 139:23-24 asked God to search his heart. That's because he knew that some of his outwardly good deeds were borne out of ignoble intentions. It takes one who is in tune with his conscience to be intentional about questioning his motive before and after (before is way better) every course of action. 

Sometimes when we press other people to open up to us about things they'd rather keep to themselves, are we sure we are really after their emotional and mental well-being or we are just out to satisfy our heightening curiosity? Or maybe we are just trying to feel good about "helping someone" when all we are really doing is bugging them? 

Do we trust and respect our friends, partners, siblings and children enough to back off whenever they tell us "I've got this", and stay out of their faces until they really need our help and solicit for it? Sometimes we may really not be as interested in helping them as we are in just showing off our abilities. Talk about selfishness in all subtlety! 

Do you respect your partner or friends enough to allow them walk away to cool off during/after an altercation with a third party, rather than drag them against their will to make up immediately, just so you can look like the good person?

Watch it. 

Are you being nice or you're being an opportunist?

26.09.18